How to Attend a Funeral

Attending a funeral can be an awkward experience. What do you say and how do you act during this time of bereavement. Follow these steps to maintain the proper etiquette.


Step1
Note the date and time of the visitation and/or funeral. You don't have to attend both but the closer you are to the family, the more likely it is that you will attend both services. If you can not attend the funeral, make sure to go to the visitation.


Step2
Offer condolences by another means as well. A condolence card, a quick phone call or a meal prepared for the family will speak volumes. So many people come through the reception line at the visitation and funeral, the faces become a blur. A card can be read after the ceremony and offer support past the actual funeral event.


Step3
Send flowers if appropriate, choosing living plant if possible. Make sure the card is signed with your full name and relation if needed. An example of a co-worker card might read "Our deepest sympathy to you and your family. Sincerely, John Smith from Widget Inc."


Step4
Honor donation requests. In lieu of flowers, the family will often request monetary donations towards a charitable foundation. Envelopes or information can often be found at the funeral home or by asking the funeral director.


Step5
Sign register book whether attending the visitation or the funeral. Sign legibly and with your affiliation if necessary. Only sign the register book once though.


Step6
Follow parking protocol when attending the funeral. If the graveside service follows the funeral, there will be funeral home officials the parking lot, helping to guide the cars into a line and adding a funeral procession flag to your car. You will also be asked to keep your lights on during the processional.


Step7
Sit in appropriate spot at the funeral. The first several rows are reserved for immediate family.


Step8
Greet the family members either on arrival or departure. Offer a hug or shake hands, depending on your relationship. Offer your sympathies but do not offer clich s. Keep your words simple and heartfelt.


Step9
Keep in touch after the funeral. The funeral ends after a short time but the grieving goes on for much longer. Send a card or call periodically so the family does not feel abandoned in their grief.


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How to Accept Overly Generous Gifts

Generous giving is a favorite past-time of some parents and grandparents. Receiving generous gifts is sometimes awkward and you may want to put a stop to them, but in most cases, despite a valiant effort, the gifts just keep coming. Accepting these gifts with grace is the best way to deal with an overly generous giver.

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Step1
Smile when you see your mother and father struggling to carry your package to the door on Christmas morning.


Step2
Be gracious. You may not need a new pair of skis, but think of the fun you will have on the slopes.


Step3
Answer them when they ask what you want for your birthday. If they're going to spend their money anyway, they might as well give you something you really need or want.


Step4
Write a thank you note. Use this as a way to reinforce that you do not need such generous gifts, but express your gratefulness, too.


Step5
Give thoughtful, but not overly generous gifts in return.


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How to Attend Military Command Holiday Parties

Command-sponsored holiday parties--don't you just love them? The rank and file cluster in banquet halls like hungry water buffalo while grazing through soggy hors d'ouvres and waiting too long in line for a drink. Lacking the homey coziness of a small division house party, command get-togethers call for quite a bit of attention to detail. If you aren't well-versed on how to present yourself at these "mandatory fun" events, here's the crucial short list.

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Step1
Dress appropriately. If the party is held in a classy upscale atmosphere, make an effort not to show up looking as if you just left Hooter's during halftime. What you wear says a lot about you personally and professionally, especially when you are out of uniform in public among your peers.


Step2
Drink in moderation. No matter how much you might enjoy wearing the proverbial lampshade when you let your hair down at private parties, a command function is not an appropriate place to demonstrate how much alcohol you are capable of consuming in order to make a fool of yourself.


Step3
Park domestic or work-related conflicts outside the door. There's nothing worse than trying to converse with someone at a party who can't stop obsessing over personal problems. If you hate the way the division is run, save it for the water cooler. Troubles are considered off limits at command celebrations.


Step4
Watch what you say and in whose company you say it. As sure as the sun will rise the morning after the command party, there will be those who enjoy keeping the rumor mill primed with juicy half-truths. Count on any comments you make to be taken completely out of context and used against you later if you don't know your audience extremely well.


Step5
Refrain from spending more time with officers or senior-enlisted personnel attached to your command than you normally would. In other words, if you speak with the Command Master Chief at most five minutes a day, spend only five minutes speaking to him at the command party. Avoid sitting down at a higher-ranking person's table unless he or she specifically invites you to sit.


Step6
Take advantage of the social atmosphere by making a point to introduce yourself while mingling with people you would like to get to know at the command. Avoid isolating yourself by sitting in the corner. For instance, if you work in Engineering and occasionally see in passing someone from the Deck Department, walk up with your hand extended and warmly say, "Hello."


Step7
Introduce your spouse or partner to each individual you come into contact with at the event. Remember, he or she may be unfamiliar with military protocol, so be sure to ease the way by helping with the etiquette involved. A command party is definitely the wrong time to go and hang with the guys, leaving your partner to sit alone. Include him or her actively in the conversation.


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How to Ask for Directions

"Would you please just stop the car already and ask someone where we are? Jeez, what is it with you men and directions?" If your wife or girlfriend has ever had occasion to utter this remark, odds are you could use a primer on abandoning your driver-side ego and seeking assistance from random pedestrians or gas-station attendants. Here s how to go about it.

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Step1
Admit that you re lost. The first step in getting help is recognizing that you have a problem. If you've passed that gnarled, spooky oak tree three or four times, the odds are you've been going in circles for the past hour and if your girlfriend insists, "We should have reached that exit 45 minutes ago," you're probably not only on the wrong road, but in the wrong state.


Step2
Ask someone knowledgeable. As a general rule, anyone who has to think more than 2 or 3 seconds after you ask, "Hey, do you know where Mahopac Road is?" has either wandered away from his day home's field trip or is trying to be "helpful" in a way that'll get you even more lost than before. Try not to ask directions from kids younger than 10, elderly ladies dressed in 19th-century bustles or stray dogs.


Step3
Be respectful. Popping your head out of your Jaguar s window and yelling, "Hey, old-timer! Can you tell me what road I can take out of this two-bit town?" is a one-way ticket to plunging your car over an abandoned bridge. Of course, any healthy male you buttonhole will instantly disdain you for not having a sense of direction, but that's the price you pay for not bringing a map.


Step4
Write the instructions down. "Hang a right at the next light and head down to Old Sutter's Mill" may be the entirety of the directions you receive, but they may just as well continue "then take a left, another left, a right, go 'round the traffic circle, pass that abandoned 7-11, close your windows (don't ask why, just trust me) for two or three miles, then make a sharp left when you see a sign that says "


Step5
Know better. Just because you've stopped and asked for directions doesn't mean your male ego has been beaten into unconsciousness. If you suspect the person you've asked doesn't know what he's talking about, feel free to ignore his instructions and take that "shortcut" you've been arguing with your wife about. You may not get where you're going for another 17 hours, but hey, it'll make a great story to share with your grandkids!

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How to Answer the Question "What are you Thinking"

"What are you thinking? It s the one question (other than "Does this dress make my hips look big?") that makes otherwise stoic men weep with despair. It can be asked anywhere, in any circumstances: in bed, on the bus, in-between the appetizer and the main course or in the hospital while you re recovering from a concussion. How can you possibly answer this ubiquitous query in a way that will satisfy your spouse/girlfriend/significant other? Here are some suggestions.



Step1
Pretend you haven t heard her right. "What am I drinking? Oh, just the usual, three fingers of gin mixed with Diet Sunkist and a dash of pepper. Would you like to have one, too?" Other ideas: "Why am I sinking?" (this one only works in a bathtub or on a boat), "What am I linking?" (if you re at the computer coding HTML) or "Why am I stinking?" (if you've just gotten back from draining the cesspool).


Step2
Get philosophical. "That raises an interesting issue. By 'thinking,' are you referring to the instantiation of chemical patterns in my brain at the very moment you asked that question? If so, how can I possibly comment on a mental state that has already transpired, and has since been replaced by the physical instantiation provoked by your question in the first place? Honey? Honey? Hey, where d you go?"


Step3
Play "Meet the Press." "What am I thinking? Well, if you must know, I was wondering how the pan-Islamic pressures of the Middle East street will impact the democratization process in Iraq, and how this will impinge on our future negotiations with so-called rogue states such as North Korea and Iran. Do you have any views on this, honey? Honey? Okay, maybe later."


Step4
Be a girly-man. "Oh, gosh, where can I start! I was just thinking about how vulnerable I've been feeling lately, and that thing my boss said to me the other day, and did I mention that little kid who looked at me all funny as I was on my way to work this morning? Don t I have feelings, too? Don t I want to run and jump and skip with the butterflies rather than waste my life in a boring office job? Hey, why are you holding that pillow over your head?"


Step5
Tell the truth. "Well, if you must know, I was thinking about what I said the other day when you tried on that dress. A relationship is based on honesty, right? Well, as a matter of fact, it did make your hips look big. Actually, I should be more accurate. Your hips are pretty big; that dress just made them look worse. Now don t get all pouty, you re the one who asked. Hey, where'd you get that gun?"


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How to Answer the Phone Well at Work

Clarity, conciseness, cheerfulness and good manners are key when answering the phone at work.


Step1
Speak clearly.


Step2
Use the company's preferred greeting, if there is one. If not, state the name of the business.


Step3
Be polite and responsive, giving the caller your full attention. Remember that at that moment, you're the company's representative.


Step4
Be as helpful as possible, even if it's not exactly your job to answer the phone.


Step5
Learn how to use the phone's features smoothly.


Step6
Ask permission first if you must put the caller on hold: "Would you mind holding for 1 minute?"


Step7
Don't forget the caller is waiting. Ask them periodically if they'd like to continue to hold, call back or leave a message.


Step8
Transfer the caller to someone who can help, if you can't.


Step9
Take a good message, if applicable, and pass it on to the recipient.


Step10
Thank the caller.



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How to Address the President

Until you can whistle "Hail to the Chief" with any degree of ease, prepare to greet the president of the United States with a handshake.




Step1
Stand when you hear "The Star-Spangled Banner" (the U.S. national anthem), which is always played at the occasion of the president's appearance.


Step2
Rise when the president enters the room, if you are not already standing.


Step3
Address the president as Mr. President or Ms. President when speaking to him or her.


Step4
Address all correspondence to The President of the United States of America, The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC, 20500.


Step5
Say "the president" or "the president of the United States" when introducing the president to others.


Step6
Put out your right hand and shake his or her proffered one.



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How to Address an Envelope

Sending personal letters was replaced by emails years ago, at least for the most part. Business letters are still being sent and therefore there is still a need to know how to properly address an envelope. Addressing an envelope properly helps get your letter to the correct destination on time.



Step1
To address an envelope, print the return address neatly in the upper left-hand corner of the envelope.


Step2
Begin by writing the sender's name and/or the company's name on the first line of the address.


Step3
Add the sender's street address (include Ave., St. or Blvd., as well as apartment, office or suite number) or post office (P.O.) box number on the second line.


Step4
Include mail-stop numbers, for mail distribution within a large company, where an apartment or suite number would appear on the second line.


Step5
Print the city name followed by a space, the two-letter capitalized state abbreviation and the ZIP code (five-digit or ZIP+4) on the third line.


Step6
Include the country name, if necessary, in capital letters on the fourth line of the address.


Step7
Print the mailing address (the destination address) in the center of the envelope or package, putting each element of the address in the same order as outlined in Steps 1 through 6 above.


Step8
Attach proper postage to the upper right-hand corner of the envelope, on the same side of the envelope as the destination address and return address.